How to know if you have anxious attachment

People with anxious attachment are often told they're 'too sensitive,' 'too needy,' or 'too much.' None of those things are true. What is true is that their nervous system learned, early on, that love is unpredictable — and has been working hard ever since to prevent losing it.

Signs you may have anxious attachment

You need frequent reassurance that your partner loves you. You interpret ambiguous signals — a delayed text, a distracted mood — as signs of rejection. You feel intense anxiety when there's any distance or conflict. You give a lot in relationships because love feels like something you have to earn.

What it feels like from the inside

It feels like loving too much and never being sure it's enough. Like a constant low hum of 'are we okay?' even when everything seems fine. Like your sense of security depends almost entirely on how the other person is behaving toward you.

Healing is possible

I can personally attest that anxious attachment isn't a life sentence, and you can heal. Therapy can help you build earned security — an internal sense of worthiness and safety that doesn't depend on anyone else's behavior. EMDR can process the early experiences that created the original wound.

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